Relationship expert reveals the seven things you shouldn't say or do on a first date

Relationship expert reveals the seven things you shouldn’t say or do on a first date

When looking to embark on a new relationship, it’s important to understand what you want out of a significant other and communicate that well—especially on a first date. But it’s also important to understand what not to say—nobody wants to be a walking red flag on a first date, or worse, be on a date with one. 

Speaking exclusively to leading jewellers Diamonds Factory , relationship expert and BACP registered counsellor Georgina Sturmer has shared her top six tips on what not to say or do on a first date. From avoiding talking about your past relationships to actually listening rather than waiting to respond—these tips will help you become a walking green flag on your next date. 

Don’t tell lies - Honesty is the best policy 

“This doesn’t mean that you need to go into lengthy descriptions of life so far. But if you start off by concealing the truth, then you risk tying yourself up in knots in the future.”

Being rude will not go down well

“When we are on a date, we are subconsciously noticing how the other person behaves, and this extends beyond how they act towards us. We also notice how they behave with other people, including passers-by and the staff who look after us in bars and restaurants. We shouldn’t really need reminders to be polite anyway! But it’s important to remember that our manners are on show when we are dating too.”

Don’t just wait to respond, actually listen 

“Sometimes—especially when we are nervous—we offer a rapid-fire sequence of questions. Or we go the other way and talk endlessly about ourselves. But a date isn’t a job interview. It’s an opportunity to see whether or not we can build a connection. Take the time to listen and be curious about what your date is saying. Don’t sit there, planning what you’re going to say next. “Just allow yourself to hear them, and to respond naturally.”

Avoid focusing on your flaws

“The dynamic of a first date shouldn’t feel like a job interview.  But that doesn’t mean that we should highlight every flaw we have or failure that we have experienced. We still want to come across as someone who our date would want to choose to see again.”

Steer clear of mentioning past relationships

“A first date offers a clean slate. If your date asks about our dating history, then of course we should be honest and authentic in our answers.  But the date is an opportunity to focus on future potential, rather than our past experiences.”

Don’t get distracted by your phone

“We’re all used to being contactable 24/7, and for some of us, the presence of our phones in our pockets, or on the table, might feel like a comfort blanket.  But if you’re able to do so, consider turning off your phone and putting it away.  This shows our date that we are focused on them, and it allows us to enjoy immersing ourselves in the date, rather than feeling distracted throughout it.”

One final tip Georgina Sturmer shared with Diamonds Factory which many people may not have considered is how food options can come across to your date.  

“Dates can be a minefield for opinions and emotional baggage when it comes to food and drink choices. You might want to actively explore this with your date.  Perhaps you would prefer to date someone who is a vegan, a meat-eater, an enthusiastic drinker, or teetotal. But food and drink can also be triggers for feelings of anxiety. We might worry about being judged for our choices. So just remember to be mindful before you consider commenting on someone else’s choices.”

Not only will these tips enable you to put your best foot forward on your next date, but they could also lead you to finding the love of your life. 

About Georgia Sturmer

Georgina Sturmer is a Counsellor and a Registered Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.  She works online with clients across the UK. Georgina specialises in supporting women through the challenges that they may face during different parts of their lives, including anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, trauma and loss.  You can find out more about her at www.georginasturmer.co.uk.

About Diamonds Factory DE

At Diamonds Factory , you can choose whether the sparkling pear-shaped centre diamond and surrounding diamonds are natural or lab-created. You can rest assured that either way, with Diamonds Factory, your diamonds have been specially selected and cut to reflect light and glisten like no other. The hand-crafted halo prong setting is a much-loved classic, made of 18k white gold.

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